Self Love Matters
Self love matters! Nancy White tells us why. It not only empowers us, it also helps us to be able to love and empower other people. We’re all unique and different. If we can’t love ourselves first and foremost, we can not love anybody else. Part of self-love is those things that are not only in our physical and financial arena, but in the spiritual and emotional arena. Whether it’s setting goals, going through healing processes, making these things a priority in this season in life, self-love is the fuel that enriches our lives. Sometimes poor self image gets in the way. It is so important for us to have around us people we know, like and trust.
Nancy is no stranger to pain, grief and loss. She has gone through a lot of things in her life. “I was raised with three brothers. My father died when I was nine. I’ve had my older brother, John died at 22. So I’ve gone through divorce, I’ve gone through different things. I’ve been sued for my children’s custody. I’ve gone through a lot of life experiences, like other people have. I’ve been diagnosed with osteoporosis when I was 48, so that was 20 years ago. I have learned is that I get to choose how long I’m going to hold onto whatever it is that’s not serving me”.Generational differences can matter “It’s a lot different when we were in our twenties. We can experience things differently when we are young. As we continually age and go through our life, we learn things that are near and dear to us, we become more conscious of what really matters” says Nancy.
She recommends a self-assessment somewhat like a new year’s resolution – going back over the past, re prioritizing, seeing what you’ve done that is working well. If it’s not broke, keep on doing it. But if there’s things that you are doing that are not working, and you are not seeing accomplishments, find ways to release those things.
00:00:00 Paula: Welcome to “TesseLeads” with your host, Tesse Akpeki and cohost moi, Paula Okonneh. “TesseLeads” is a safe and sensitive and supportive place where we share, hear and tell stories and experiences. In “TesseLeads”, you will hear from top experts and thought leaders, strategies, tips, techniques that they have found useful in navigating a diverse range of challenges, difficulties dilemma. And here we give you an opportunity to talk about how you can create and shape opportunities. Our guest today is Nancy White, and she’s going to be talking about her personal journey towards wellbeing and resilience. So this is her personal journey, but before she starts telling you about her personal journey, I’ll tell you something I know about Nancy. Well, first of all, I’ve known Nancy for 18 years, and Nancy lives in North Carolina. But Nancy also wants to live in a world where people will thrive and not just survive, both physically and financially. Nancy started her entrepreneurial journey 35 years ago after she left corporate America, and since that time she started several businesses. Some have been successes, some have flopped, some she’s sold, but her learning never stopped. And natural gift for Nancy is connecting people, especially businesses, that I can vouch for. She served as a foundation leader for Eve women’s network from 2006 to 2020 and established the first hot link network for women in Charlotte in 2008. And she’s also part of other chambers and networking groups. She’s written her first book as GRT journal. And her second book is a collaboration of entrepreneurs “light at the end of the funnel volume two”. This is an international bestseller. She has a third collaborative book that came out in May of 2020. Nancy I could go on and on. But one thing I want you to know is that she’s also the host and executive producer of the network show, which was launched in August of 2019 and has been the cultivator of her healthy cells chick business, since 2007. Nancy wow, your bio is astronomically fantastic. Welcome to “TesseLeads”.
00:02:48 Nancy: Oh, thank you so much, Paula. Thank you, Tesse. I love having time with other incredibly intelligent women. And it’s such an honor and a privilege to be here today to be able to just chat with you.
00:03:01 Tesse: Hi, Nancy. I’m always delighted to be with my lovely co-host Paula, she’s just a star. And I thank her for introducing you to me. When I was going through your bio with Paula, I was touched by the book you have written on self-love and practical tips for creating a life you love and opening doors to radically love. What fuels this passion you have for self-love, for wellbeing, for resilience, for wellness? What was the fuel there?
00:03:32 Nancy: Well, Tesse I’d know that just like all of us, if we can’t love ourselves first and foremost, we can not love anybody else. And part of self-love is those things that are not only in our physical and financial arena, but it is in far a spiritual and emotional arena. Whether it’s setting goals, whether it’s going through healing processes, whether it’s making those things that are priority to us at this season in life. That’s what self-love is. And again, for myself too, some people have a poor self image. And I think, you know what the Lord created us and if we don’t like it, we’re telling him he did a lousy job. And I think that is something that we’re all unique and different. And having that self-love not only empowers us, but it also helps us to be able to love and empower other people.
00:04:33 Tesse: Oh, wow. So if we don’t love ourselves, we are not in a strong position to empower others. I really hear that. Paula?
00:04:43 Paula: I love what you just said. And so Nancy, what have you found to be helpful or what have you found to be supportive or useful for people who are in a place where they don’t quite love themselves?
00:04:57 Nancy: Well, one of the things I think is so important is really for that person to reach out to somebody that they know, like and trust, especially. Because you know what we think in our brain and all that chatter that goes on all the time, you know. It’s like that having that rerun. And sometimes we need to have somebody else is going to say, you know what just stop just stop. Look at the good things that you have done and accomplished. Let’s focus and celebrate the things that you are doing well, that you have done well. And sure we’ve all made bad choices or mistakes, sometimes that’s called life. But I think Paula, one of the things that is very helpful, is if we’re not changing and we’re not getting some different results, then that’s a great clue that we need to bring somebody else in to be able to just stand alongside to be able to talk with, to pray with, to find some support. That’s one of the things I have for myself, I am a lifelong learner, I will never stop learning. And if I have learned a lesson, Paula in life is that I will ask for help and I will accept it.
00:06:14 Paula: That’s a good tip. Ask for help and accept it. Yep, that’s amazing. Because lots of us, as you said, that chatter that goes on in your head, if you don’t ask for help, you start believing that. And that’s never good, especially if it’s not positive.
00:06:32 Tesse: Have you always had this kind of really positive and focused determined approach to things, Nancy?
00:06:41 Nancy: No Tesse, because I was raised with three brothers. My father died when I was nine. I’ve had my older brother, John died at 22. So I’ve gone through divorce, I’ve gone through different things. I’ve been sued for my children’s custody. I’ve gone through a lot of life experiences, like other people have. I’ve been diagnosed with osteoporosis. Oh, my gosh, I was 48, so that was 20 years ago. So no, I have gone through a lot of things in my life also, but what I have learned is that I get to choose how long I’m going to hold onto whatever it is that’s not serving me. Whether it’s unforgiveness, whether something comes along and I can feel the anger coming up from my gut and my stomach. I get to choose how long I’m going to continue to nurse that or to release it. That we can’t receive anything unless we release. So we have to release whatever the things are that again, we have no control over and the things we do have control over. If we need to have some guidance and help, then that’s where we need to ask. We really need to find out and ask for it because, you know what, life is so precious. We’re one breath away from eternity. And I think I don’t want to waste time. And it’s a lot different when we were in our twenties, and then we know as we continually age and go through our life, we learned the things that are near and dear to us, and that really matter. And the things that you know, what, what difference is it going to make in the kingdom?
00:08:22 Tesse: This is life’s lessons, this is life lessons. Paula I don’t know about you, but I am listening to Nancy and wishing that I knew what she’s saying when I was 20, it would have made my life quite a different life. Paula what’s your thought?
00:08:35 Paula: Yes, you know, releasing things in order to receive things makes a whole set of sense. And sometimes if we look at it from the physical, if you have a jar full of water and you want to add something else, then you’re going to throw out some so that you can put some more stuff in it. And we have to see that too, as maybe you’re going through life and they’re gonna to be things that happen to us. And we have a choice to either just keep it there and hold there, and probably it goes stale or rancid or you know, stagnant. Or throw out some of those stuff so we can fill ourselves with new things. But thank you, Nancy. Sometimes when we hear that from other people, it resonates even more with us, or it means a lot more to us because we’re hearing it from the outside and it’s coming in. Thank you. So, it’s almost like you’ve answered everything I was going to say. So what have you found particularly helpful? But you’ve already said what has been helpful and what has been supportive. Tesse?
00:09:33 Tesse: I just wanted to kind of explore a little bit more, because Nancy, my question to you is whether in this personal journey that you have. Issues around wellbeing and resilience and wellness and self-care are gendered. And what you’ve found in your work, both personal and professional work helps people along the way. In other words, what kind of tips would you give to anyone listening to this podcast that can help them on their journey along the way?
00:10:08 Nancy: Well, that could be a really loaded question, but I think, one of the things that you know we always need to do. I don’t believe that there is a life balance, that means that you’re not moving and we’re probably dead. And so I believe in prioritizing and pacing. And so I think that, especially for women that are wearing so many different hats and doing so many different things in life. We use our calendar to schedule everything else. We have to schedule that time for that self care in also, because if we don’t, it’s not going to happen. And so self care is huge as far as making sure your foundation that you’re doing your best. But I think prioritizing is really important. Because just like we said, why are we working? Why are we doing all this stuff? You know, why are we hurting? Especially, I think it’s interesting for mothers and dads want their children to hurry up and do something and accomplish this and whatever. And I’m thinking, could you let them be children enjoy being children, because guess what? Once we’re grown, we’re grown, we don’t get to go back in. So I think for the people just really realizing the precious gift of life and just really cherishing it and appreciating it. Because some of us have had parents that have gone on and we know we missed the skin with the person to be able to touch and just kiss and hug. Which I think it’s something that for us, we have to again. Do a self-assessment you know, people do, do years resolutions and I believe not in resolutions, but just re prioritizing and just going back over. Seeing what you’ve done that is working well, if it’s not broke, keep on doing it. But if there’s things that we’re doing that are not working, and we’re not seeing accomplishments. Then we get to release that also. Then I can remember when we were talking earlier about my journey looking back. Oh my gosh. I’ve trusted people until they prove me wrong. And one of the chapters I had written in the book on the “light at the end of the funnel” was thank you very much for stealing my invention. And I had trusted an attorney I had, was working on a new invention. And I’ve worked through a whole year of doing things. Well anyways, long story short, my adventure that I had come up with ended up being on the market about a year and a half later with a company that I had signed a non-compete and a confidentiality statement with through that attorney.
00:12:51 Tesse: Wow.
00:12:51 Nancy: But you know what? Being an entrepreneur or that person, if you don’t have unlimited pockets to go after somebody to sue and go through that whole process and those. That was a bitter pill, I will tell you, you talked about earlier. I have swallowed a lot of bitter pills over my life.
00:13:13 Tesse: Wow. And you’re sounding very gracious about it. I remember that line, thank you for posting my idea. I think it’s about gratitude. You know, the three P’s that come to my mind as I listened to you, Nancy,” Place, Position and Power”. How we use our power, how we use our influence. And I remember that thing to position ourselves in a way to be successful in life and work. As we wrap up this podcast, are there any questions that you would have wished us to ask that we haven’t asked you? And I know that’s something, but you’re given such magic I don’t want to lose any of it.
00:13:53 Nancy: Well, one of the things Tesse I think is really important, especially for women and for men, it’s not just women, it’s women and men, is never stop learning. Find out the things that are going to be serving you and serving other people, keep asking. If something’s not working, then that is a clue that we need to be able to release it. Some of us can release faster than others and that’s all right. But you know what being aware of the things technology’s changing like crazy, you know. All the things in this world, we’ve seen a real shift in the way that business is going to be handled the way we’re going to be connecting with each other. You still need people, you still need human beings and don’t ever lose sight of that. And just really sowing into the relationships that you’re in and those ones that are not serving us or whatever. We get to be able to choose how to put those boundaries around ourself, to be able to be protected or just again, finding out those wonderful ways that we can come together and support each other, never, ever, ever stop.
00:15:06 Paula: I love that, yeah I love that. Imean, never ever, ever stuff. I keep just repeating and reciting your, what you said Nancy, because they’re so profound. But I want to add to the piece. Nancy talked about prioritizing. Tesse talked about Placement Position and Power. But Nancy had talked about prioritizing and pacing. And they are all so important, the five Ps. That makes me think also of another thing that we spoke about before the show, which was TP. So.
00:15:46 Tesse: “Toilet paper”.
00:15:47 Paula: That was touching and praise, yeah. All of these are so essential in making us the people are even helping us to be the people that the world needs, encouraging those of us who have children. Encouraging our children to go out and be the best people that they can be. I know you said the question or something that you want to end the show with is never stop learning. I have learned so much from Nancy over the years. You know, one thing I’ve learned is to be there for people. She was there for me when some of the most difficult times of my life. So never stop learning, keep asking. If it’s not working, it’s a clue to stop. Great, great tips. I think.
00:16:36 Tesse: Yeah. You know the thing I love about you Paula, is that you share a lot and you shared Nancy with me and we are sharing her with the world. And I think the world listening to Nancy wants to know where we can find her, where she can be found. I know where she, I can find her because I’m not letting her go. Thanks for sharing her with me, Paula. But where can people find you Nancy?
00:16:58 Nancy: Well, just like on social media, those platforms are huge. Tesse that people can find me on LinkedIn or the easy way is www and it’s the “thenancywhite.com”. And it’s a way to be able to schedule a time just to chat and talk, and you can even get your own healthy self quiz and be able to be evaluate your own self and get some suggestions. But it’s all about finding out what people really need and just being able to offer those resources. And one other thing besides TP, I’m going to leave you with is BNR, it’s called “bless and release”. We can bless and release people again that are just the people that are sucking us dry or trying to suck us dry, or having those things that are negative or whatever. We can just bless and release.
00:17:52 Tesse: I love it. You know when you say, I’m kind of reframing that thing because in some books I’ve read, they talk about drains and pains. And actually I think that is a negative connotation. I love the thing about reframe it, bless and release. It’s just wonderful, wonderful way of, it’s a mindset shift isn’t it? That we kind of bless people and release them from our lives. Thank you.
00:18:19 Nancy: Yes, it is because it helps them to be able to go in, be able to go through their grace and healing and space. And sometimes we can just hold on to people and it’s not healthy for them or for us.
00:18:34 Tesse: Grace and space. Lovely.
00:18:36 Paula: Thank you so much, Nancy. It’s unfortunate that we’re coming to the end of the show. So for our listeners, that was Nancy White. She taught us so much, and we want you to know that your precious stories and your lives matter. Please share your stories and your life stories with us. We also support and encourage and nurture our listeners to know through these episodes that they are never alone. And so we want to encourage you to head over to Apple podcast, Google podcast, Spotify, or anywhere you listen to podcasts and please click subscribe. If you find “TesseLeads” helpful, please let us know in your reviews. And if you have any questions or topics, you’d like us to cover, send us a note. And last but not least, if you’d like to be a guest on our show, head over to Tesseakpeki.com/TesseLeads” to apply. Thank you, Nancy, it’s always a pleasure to talk with you.
00:19:40 Tesse: Thank you, Nancy. You know for me meeting you, I’m staying blessed and embraced and that is BE.
00:19:54 Paula: PE or is BE, bless and embrace.
00:19:55 Tesse: I’m embracing you. That’s true. In fact, Praise Bless Embrace PE, PBE
00:20:08 Nancy: It’s so much fun.
00:20:14 Tesse: Thank you, so much fun. Thank you so much
00:20:17 Nancy: Thank you ladies.