Healed By Love
I almost lost my life, my brothers were around my bed as was the pastor from my church. The doctors told them to get ready. I was semi conscious, I heard the doctors speaking, I was getting weaker, I felt life ebbing away. In this moment I was forced to look at the world from a completely new perspective. Life gave me a second chance and I devoured every second of it. I leaned into my intense curiousity. Did I always make a success of it? Nope, but I intend to keep working at it, with attention and intention – embracing and celebrating my successes and learning from my failures.
Through losses and grief I found that the power of love is awesome. It brings with it other gifts like compassion, empathy, kindness, hope, optimism, connection. I have found people who will walk with me. I appreciate that I have found the capacity to work and walk with others. There is a sacrifice to loving, for instance when we lose those with love through death, through memory loss, through mental illness, through misunderstandings and conflict. It may even be when the other person no longer wants us to in their life or when the circumstances have changed and there is no longer a match between us and them. It may be that the piece of work I undertook did not go as planned or that I have been made redundant by an organisation that I enjoyed working in, but I had to be let go. Whatever the reason for separation, it can hurt and bring grief, loss and sometimes depression.
I rediscovered the value and benefits of a growth mindset, investing my time and energy in developing new skills, solving new problems, acquiring new knowledge, wrestling with polarities and figuring out ways to enhance my life. I found ways of building my resilience by leaning into adversity, the things that were not going well and using them for my own growth and for better understanding the struggles of others. I became a coach, a facilitator, a guide and recognised my place as a bridge builder and maker. I consciously worked towards being more present in my encounters with myself and others. I discovered the joy, hope and optimism of noticing the present moment in my encounters. I got and still get energy from my work, from my family, from my friends.
Whatever we choose matters and my choice and agency empowers me and facilitates my growth and my learning. I choose to love and I know this comes with a cost, it means I need to be vulnerable. It means I need to take the risk and step up into the uncertain and the unknown. To be loved back or to be celebrated for my contribution is an uncertainty, because I have no control whatsoever over the other person’s choice. The choice to lock me out or not let me in, or to let me in, but not to the depth I would like. The choice to acknowledge and recognise my contribution or to see me or not see me. Yet I have got to respect their choice while honouring my intention. In all these things, in spite of the risks, I choose to love. To give care and empathy to my clients, to my friends to my family. I know I will not always get it right, I know there will be a misstep, I know that in my humanness I will fail. In this I choose in humility to own up to my mistakes and failures. For this I need forgiveness from others and forgiveness towards myself. This is where self-care and compassion, Brene Brown’s invitation towards vulnerability plays a part. I know that leaning into love is powerful, it bridges gaps, it restores and repairs relationships and it is not easy. Weighing it all up, with the risks, I still choose love!
Time is my most valuable possession, I want to make the most of every opportunity. I have a pull towards gratitude for all things. I am thankful for friends, family, my community and my clients past and present who are walking with me in the different cycles of my life journey. Thank you for your generousity from the bottom of my heart. When you choose to embrace what you truly care about you can’t go wrong. My invitation to you is to go for it. Life is much too short to hold back. Best wishes in all you do and for all you are.