Tesse Leads is a safe, sensitive and supportive place and space to share, hear and tell your stories and experiences.

You will hear from top experts and thought leaders strategies, tips and techniques they have found useful in navigating a diverse range of challenges, difficulties, dilemmas as well as how you can create and shape opportunities.

David Taylor-Klaus – The Magic of Thinking and Transformation

Lisa Richards – Resilience Finding Hope

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for Lisa Richards

00:00:00 Paula: Welcome to TesseLeads, with your host Tesse Akpeki and co-host Paula   Okonneh, where we share with you top leadership and management strategies.

Tesse Leads is a safe, sensitive and supportive place and space to share, hear and tell your stories and experiences. You will hear from top experts and thought leaders strategies, tips and techniques they have found useful in navigating a diverse range of challenges, difficulties, dilemmas as well as how you can create and shape opportunities.

Our guest today is Lisa Richards. And we will be talking about resilience. As a grief specialist, Lisa enables businesspeople to thrive rather than just survive and be weighed down by the pain of loss, following any life change. Welcome Lisa. We are very happy to have you on the show. 

Lisa: Thank you very much, Paula. And thank you very much Tesse, for inviting me to be on the show. It’s lovely to be here. 

Tesse: Thank you, Lisa and welcome. 00:01:00 It’s lovely to have you. And you know, there’s never been a   time like now to talk about resilience. Is there, I’d like to ask you the first question. What does resilience mean to you? 

Lisa: Thanks. Tesse for asking resilience means so many things, but essentially it means overcoming a big challenge.

Whatever that challenge might be. And it might be a very small thing, but it might be a very, very large thing. A life change that happens to you as it happened to me at several points of my life. And that is why really, I do what I do today. It’s. The reason why I do it and my life’s purpose, if you like, that’s what I, I believe now through the journey that I’ve made and the fact that I can stand in dark places with people and hold their hands.

And 00:02:00 if necessary, walk with them on their journey for just a little while, while they overcome whatever challenges they face in their life. 

Paula: So, is this something that you can teach people or do you think people are born with it? Lisa, as in resilience? 

Lisa: I think both actually I think you can teach resilience and I think you are born with it. I think your parents, if your parents are particularly resilient, I believe that you probably are too. The issue is really when you are confronted with a particular challenge, how you deal with it. And in my case, that fateful day where I got up one day and decided I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it to the end of the day.

And you, you sit there and you think, wow, 00:03:00 What am I going to do? Am I going to end this pain that I’m obviously suffering? Or am I going to try and live and push through it? And the reason I kind of got there was because several years earlier, my mom had tried to enter her own life. And that’s why I kind of got to that stage myself.

Except in contrast to her, I decided to live. And that is really where my journey started in terms of resilience and building that resilience, building that confidence over many years, to the point where I actually found what I was looking for. It took me a long time. But when I did it gave me so much in terms of letting my guilt that had built up and the weight of distress and emotion that I had inside. 00:04:00 And I let it go and suddenly let in an amazing life that was obviously waiting there for me. And I just hadn’t realized. And in learning the process that helped me let this go. It also gave me some tools. So yes, I believe very firmly that you can teach resilience.

The issue is how open you are really to dealing with that. Sometimes you have no choice. Sometimes you are put in a situation where you are tested and that survival fight or flight kicks in that is a learning process, but you can teach skills over and above that. I believe so. It’s both really. Thank you, Paula.

Tesse: I was very touched Lisa, when you shared your story with me, um, and I’m sure it would resonate with a lot of people. Um, it speaks to personal resilience, you know, in that moment when you chose to live, what was really going 00:05:00 through your mind? What was it that propelled you to choose that, yes. I want to be here. I want to be with people. I want to continue my life. What was it that went through your mind then? 

Lisa: The day it happened Tesse, I just really, over the last week, I’d come back from a big trip away. I’d been around the world. I had had a wonderful time. But what I hadn’t realized was I was trying to escape the feelings that I had.

And I went around the world and I got to Australia and I remember picking the phone up to my dad and talking to him down the phone. And suddenly this little light bulb went off in my head. I said to myself, Oh, wow. Actually, I can’t escape this it’s inside. It doesn’t matter where I go. I will not be able to hide from this.

So really when I came back from that amazing trip away, I gave way under the 00:06:00 weight of all this grief. And that was when I woke up one day. And really there was just this black feeling I felt in emotional distress. I felt in pain. I was pacing up and down the house. When I should have been getting ready for work and not really understanding why I just couldn’t do that.

I cried, I wailed, I screamed, I, I didn’t really know what to do. And in desperation I did the only thing that I could do, which was I picked up the phone and I found the one person who I trusted the most in the world who was my father. And. It was the thing I didn’t want to do because I thought, Oh my goodness, why would I put my dad in this situation again? 

When several years earlier he had been faced with my mom trying to take her own life. And I thought I 00:07:00 can’t do that to him. But then I thought, I just want to see what his reaction will be. I just need somebody to talk to. And he was amazing. He stayed so calm, even though I guess he was wondering what to say to me, because he was an hour away.

He couldn’t turn up on the doorstep and he was amazing. He listened, he gave me a simple plan and he said, when you’ve done the simple plan, come back, phone me, let me know you’re okay. And in that moment, he had to let me go. He had to trust me that I would do it. And I did, and I phoned back, but the moment of that pain had passed, you know, where the fog descends, and you don’t know what to do.

Suddenly you have a plan, you go and do it. And that was really the first step to the rest of my journey. 

Paula: Would you mind sharing with us? I mean, this is very 00:08:00 painful, I’m sure, as you recall it, but because you’re here, there’s hope. So. Would you mind sharing with our listeners what that plan was that your dad told you? You said it was a simple plan. 

Lisa: It was a very, very simple plan. It literally Paula, it was ring your GP (your doctor). Get in to see your doctor. Do not take no for an answer. Say it’s an emergency if they won’t listen. Speak to your doctor, see what she can do for you and take whatever she will offer and then come back and speak to me, nothing complicated.

Just one thing that I had to concentrate on. And I think that’s probably the key at that point; listening, understanding, and actually just empathizing and say, I understand your upset. This is what you need to do. Because I was confused. 

Paula: That’s 00:09:00 very powerful. And I know it will resonate with a lot of people who need to hear that.

Lisa: Thank you. 

Tesse: I was just saying, like you said of that, I’m really struck by Lisa’s story, a very human story. And you know, you said that at that point in time, when you had the choice to make, and your dad gave you that simple plan and you, you took that advice and you followed it, and he also gave you something about having an accountability partner in a way, which was going back to him, someone who love and trust and what came into my mind was.

What gave you the clarity, you know? Cause you see, you’re confused. What brought clarity to you as a result of going through this journey that continues to help you to travel on in life? 

Lisa: okay, this, this is the resilience part because that day was the worst day of my life. I was 27. I had a mom who had 00:10:00 essentially left me several years earlier. The slight twist to this was my mom didn’t die. She was still alive, except she wasn’t the same mom that I knew and loved. She died that day and she was replaced by somebody who looked like her, but it wasn’t her. So sadly, she damaged her brain and she had to be looked after for the rest of her life.

And she died in 2011. And it brought it all back, sadly. And it’s interesting that even though it happened in the 1980s, that thing where people say time heals, wounds, it didn’t for me. I don’t believe that it does. Because when, when she physically died in 2011, it was a grieving process. Then for the mom I had lost all over again. And in 00:11:00 that moment, when I got up and realized what was happening, the comparison was, forgive me, your listeners listening to this. If I couldn’t do it properly, this is what happens. So I don’t want to go there because my mom gave her power away on that day. And I don’t believe she would have wanted to do that.

And I didn’t want to give my power away. Because the moment you do that, you lose control. You lose your sense of you, your sense of everything that you know. And I didn’t want that. That was the comparison. I had something to compare it to, and I didn’t want that. So I almost did the complete opposite. I said to my doctor, I don’t care what you give me, but please give me something.

I’d rather do talking therapies than 00:12:00 antidepressants because antidepressants just mask the problem. And she said to me, That is fine. We may have to wait for a while because this was in the 1980s when there was very little support. I mean, people think there’s little support now. There was no support then. And then yes, we were lucky.

I was assigned to psychotherapist in that time. And I worked with psychotherapist who put me back together so that I could function. And for all intents and purposes, I looked the same. I just, inside. I wasn’t healed. And that is the difference. So outwardly you can look as though you’re okay, but this thing about you really don’t know what’s going on behind somebody’s smile or somebody’s eyes.

Usually, you can tell with their body language, but that only happens when you know somebody or you notice their body language, and it’s not congruent with what they’re saying. 

Paula: I agree 00:13:00 100%. And because we’re talking to listeners, you’ve told us on that particular day, how your dad helped. Do you have any additional tools that you can share with our listeners that they can use? You know? 

Lisa: Absolutely. And this is the thing, I think everything that you go through in life, especially when you’re feeling low and you’re feeling that you. You have to dig deep. Brandy Brown says about digging deep and really sucking up the difficulty or the challenge. Everything that you do in that respect teaches you something.

And by learning those things, you learn to look after yourself., you find out who you can trust. You can find a safe space. If you can’t initially. Try as much as you can say, right, I’m going to do that today. Don’t 00:14:00 beat yourself up if you don’t do it, but that’s kind of your plan. And I didn’t know how I was going to heal myself, but I set out on this journey and I promised myself at that point in time, if I ever got to that point where I felt whole again, that I could enjoy life and I could have fun again, I would help other people. And that’s kind of what I do. But in terms of the tools that we have, it can be as simple as breathing, breathing, deeply, breathing in a very mindful way. And when I say mindful, I don’t mean mindful of thoughts. The idea is to try and empty your mind of thoughts, let them come and go.

And I know there’s a lot of people who do teach mindfulness these days. So breath work, I think is very important because the more you can breathe, really breathe and fill your lungs. So 00:15:00 and really do it in a considered way. There are lots of breathing exercises. I do something called square breathing, which is breathing in for four or six. So breathing in. So I’ll do, I’ll do it. Then you hold it for six. You let it out for six and you, you pause for six. So it’s, it’s almost, you kind of go round and you mindfully do this.

So that’s one little exercise, things like laughing. Laughter is such an amazing gift that we are all given as children. And we take it for granted as children. Now I know when you’re feeling low, that may be, there is not a lot to be happy about or feel light about, but I went to a laughter workshop recently where the guy said, even if you don’t feel like laughing, 00:16:00 if you make yourself smile, you start to release those chemicals, those endorphins.

And for me, the laughter workshop was great because it simply was people laughing and because they laugh so much, you laughed more. The sound of laughter is infectious. It really is a good stress buster. So I think that’s another tool that is very underrated and can help us all. Walking to get out in the fresh air, releasing those endorphins, that kind of thing.

I’m trying to give you tools that are at anybody’s disposal, really, because I think we’re so busy looking externally for tools to help us. And yet actually we have resources in ourselves for free to access anytime we choose. And that’s really, really important. There’s another nice 00:17:00 exercise that I’ve come across recently, which is five, four, three, two, one.

It’s a mindful exercise. So if you’re feeling a little bit frazzled, if you can just sit there and think of five things that you can see. Literally in front of you. So you kind of see them and you name them, you know, Oh, I can see a tree or I can see a bird or I can… so five things that you can see. Four things that you can touch.

So, what can you touch? How does it feel? How does it look? Does it look rough? Does it look smooth? Because touch is a very underrated sense too. I think hogs, I know the COVID thing. It’s not really hugging, but even anything that you could do, we do virtual hugs sometimes on calls like this and just touching yourself and saying I’m okay. I’m okay. So that’s something good to remember as well. 

The 00:18:00 third thing. So, so seeing touching, basically you go down five, four, three, two, one. One is probably something that you taste. How does it taste? How does it feel your new, your mouth? Smell’s the third one? What can you smell? I have essential oils. I don’t know whether people have sort of come across those where lemon is a citrus flavor.

If I smell a lemon, it wakes me up and those smells, you could have that from coffee. You can have that from smelling a flower. You know, all of these senses that we, we rely on our visual sense, but actually we have all of these five senses and those are really, really important. So if we can use those as well in a mindful way, I think that’s great.

But what I like at the moment is the power posing. So there’s a Ted talk by a lady called Amy Cuddy, and you can probably see that and you stand, you make yourself big, you build yourself up and 00:19:00 by doing that, you give yourself confidence. And that’s what it’s all about is building your confidence to say I am okay.

I, am, enough. There’s a guy called Dr. David Hamilton and he says there are four stages to this sort of confidence and resilience thing. So when you’re feeling down, I’m not enough. Oh no, I’ve had enough. And I’m going to do something about it. I am enough. And then the fourth stage, when you really move on, is I just, am. You become that confidence, you exude that confidence, that positivity.

And that’s really, really amazing when that happens, because you start to engage people in a way that you haven’t before. Sorry. That was a very roundabout way. 

Paula: I love it, Lisa. I really do. I think these are real life things. These are simple things that people 00:20:00 can do without having to have another step outside of themselves.

You know, I mean, citrus is easy, enough. Tasting is easy enough. Touching is easy enough to know what I mean? These are really things that people sometimes need to hear at that time when they’re finished so down. 

Lisa: Those are the things. And I’ve got another nice little one. If, uh, if you kind of put it’s a touch one. If you put your two fingers, um, your sort of index finger and your middle finger on your forehead, yeah. Just above your eyes and you do a figure of eight. So you do this and you count as you do it. And it’s an infinity thing. So you count each one. So one, two, three and you do 20. And when you finished, you feel a lot calmer. Don’t ask me how to explain it. It’s something to do with neuroscience. I was shown it on a zoom call, but it works.

And that’s amazing. So you have all of these tools at your disposal. We just don’t 00:21:00 think about them in that context. 

Paula: This is absolutely amazing. How are you now? 

Lisa: I’m very relaxed because I’m talking to some lovely, lovely ladies. And I’m laughing too. It’s fun. And that’s the thing. If, if you, if you can find something fun, it just.

Yes releases those endorphins makes you feel better, makes you want to laugh and smile. It all builds. And that’s the important thing. And yes, we can all eat properly, rest properly, all the kinds of things that we’re told that we should do. Sometimes we don’t, we just don’t do them. We work too hard, but it’s all about balance and keeping that balance.

If we can. 

Paula: Love. It you’ve been an inspiration to me because I say to my children, I tell myself about to every day. Look forward to something simple. It may be like when I wake up in the morning, maybe something as simple as, Oh, I have some grapes downstairs. 00:22:00 I love grapes. I’m going to go eat him. 

Lisa: Yeah.

Paula: Simple. 


Lisa: And the joy of just eating and feeling that taste sensation in your mouth and thinking, Oh God, this is wonderful. I don’t drink alcohol or smoke. The taste of food now, because I don’t have caffeine or the alcohol in my, in my system, the taste of food is just so much more, so I want to slow down.

And I think when we slow down, we start to appreciate actually I’m okay. Things are okay, we just get overwhelmed or we get too busy and then we start to fall over. 

Tesse: Lisa, what you are saying has touched both of us. And I’m sure people who are listening that will touch them as well. And this question is really about who do you admire when it comes to personal resilience?

Lisa: Wow, that’s a great question. I admire lots of people. The person I admire probably most recently is 00:23:00 a lady called Angela Marta. She is somebody who. I saw it on a television program about four or five years ago, she was an art director. She worked in a gallery and they approached her o make this program.

And at first you thought it was about her work in the gallery and what she did for a living. It turns out that they wanted her to talk about and go on a sort of personal journey to share this personal journey about. Her husband who unfortunately had taken his own life and how that had felt full her and her family.

And she went and met families around the country to talk about how they felt when it happened to them, because it’s a lot more common than I think people realize. And in that program while it’s, it was a very hard watch,  something resonated so strongly with me because it was the first time I’d 00:24:00 heard somebody say publicly, how they felt on camera, about somebody close to them, taking their own life. 

And nobody had kind of spoken to me in that context, not my dad, not my brother. And I’d hidden it from the world for so long. And I thought, wow, finally, somebody understands. Somebody out there. Because your own grief isolates you so much and you protect yourself so much.

You cannot see beyond that sometimes. And this lady has done amazing things with her work. Recently, she’s been an advisor on a, they call it soaps. So like any standards here Holly Oaks, and it’s for young people, it’s for teenagers. They watch this soap every week. It’s a storyline about somebody taking their own life and the impact that has, and they tried to do it 00:25:00 in a very sympathetic way to obviously educate young people on how this might feel for others. 

And I thought that was a most amazing thing. It was sensitively done. It was trying to do it in an educational way, in a very soft way, but in a way that kids would digest without even realizing. And I think that’s really education about what grief is. What grief isn’t. And how we can overcome those situations is so, so important. So important. In fact, that I’ve started speaking back to younger children, you know, children in schools, because I think it’s really important that they get the message that taking your own life isn’t the way.

Actually, moving through and yes, it’s hard. I don’t pretend it’s anything 00:26:00 else, but when you come through it and you look back and you think, wow, I did that. I’m okay. I can do this. And that’s what resilience is all about. That self-belief that confidence that you can get through it. And when you look back, you think, yep, I can do this.

And that is something that then if you live through your worst day, nothing will ever be that scary again, I’ll just share with you. I go cold water swimming these days. And people say to me, Oh God, that, you know, that’s so brave. It’s just cold water. It’s water that is cold. It is a shock when you get in.

But actually, it’s just like swimming only colder. And my perception of that has been turned around so much that I now just get in. I don’t think about it. I know it’s going to be 00:27:00 cold. I push through that. But the benefits of doing are phenomenal. That’s why I do it. And that it’s, that hope the hope of a better tomorrow and being able to connect, you know. I never thought that my journey would bring me to sit here and talk about resilience with you. And that’s amazing. I am so thrilled and delighted to be able to share these things with you today. So thank you for inviting me.

Tesse:  Lisa thank you so much. I mean, again, it’s so touching and, you know, you’ve talked about what resilience is a lot of people and are reading books about what resilience is. But one thing that I see that is not in these books is what resilience is not. So, so are you able to say a few words about what resilience is not? 

Lisa: Gosh, to me. Sitting there and waiting for somebody to come and say view isn’t 00:28:00 resilience to me, it’s having the courage to step outside your comfort zone. The work that I do, we ask people to trust in the process. We are, we create them a safe space. And they have to want to be there. They have to want to commit to moving forward. We’re not going to cure them. We don’t know how they feel, but the process is really bespoke to them. So we give them the tools that they need to have their own journey.

And basically, I walk with them. And they, each week we build through that. So we take one topic, we look at it, they do some additional reading in the interim. Then we look at it for the following week and it literally is one hour, a week, seven weeks that the thing 00:29:00 is, do not sit there and wallow. It’s fine to wallow to begin with.

You know, when it happens, there’s shock. There’s numbness. There is disbelief that it’s happened to you? The thing I would say to anybody is yes, wallow for a while, but then actually start to look to see, to get yourself out of it. Because nobody else is going to, sadly, people are busy people, even your loved ones can only help you so much. You have to want to do it. 

Paula: Incredible advice. You have to want to do it. It has to come from within you. No one can make you do what you don’t want. Once you make up your mind. This is it. There’s no going back. The world takes on a new dimension because then there’s hope. It’s something to look forward to.

Lisa: Absolutely. And you’re right, Paul, it just those little things every day. One of the things that somebody told, taught me. I’ve learned 00:30:00 lots of things along the way, but I’ve done neuro linguistic programming, a sort of crash course. And the lady said, the one thing that I took away from that is notice what you notice. Because little things, when you start to notice and you start to put those things together, then you can actually weave yourself a plan.

You can build yourself a network, a support network, whether it’s tools like I’ve shared with you or people that you trust and are your go-to people, because I understand you and Tesse are each other’s go to people sometimes when you have a particular issue. It’s all about building your support network to build yourself up.

And then for me, I think I’ve got the support network I need. Now I’m ready to look to other people and say, would you like to come with me and share in this journey or learn some of the 00:31:00 tools that I’ve learned? Because I think they can really help you. Not saying you have to learn this, but I have this range of tools. If you’d like to see some, pick some, take them away, play with them if they work for you. Great. If not, we can find some other tools 

Paula: That’s given them hope.  

Lisa: Absolutely. 

Paula: That’s what a lot of people need…hope.

Lisa: Absolutely they do. And I learned a really nice thing from somebody the other day about fail. What the definition of FAIL is First Attempt In Learning.

Every time you try something, and you don’t get the expected outcome, that’s not to say you won’t achieve it. You just have to find an alternative way and you will achieve it. And that’s building resilience. You know, inventors in the world didn’t give up at the first attempt, they went around, they saw an alternative, you and they took it and eventually they got to where they wanted to 00:32:00 be.

And we all know those kinds of people like Einstein and the Wright brothers. They had a lot of failures on the way, but on the way, they learned a lot.

Paula: This has been incredibly helpful. It’s been a learning experience for, I know me possibly 

Lisa: Thank you

for Tesse 

and I know the listeners, I have definitely got some things out of this.

I hope so. I’m so grateful that you asked me it’s been lovely to speak to you both. And I love doing things like this that are fun. Thank you for making it fun for me. 

Paula: The pleasure is ours. But, talking about fun, we always try and end our program or our podcast with some fun touch questions, we call them. 

Lisa: Okay.

Paula: One of them is what’s your favorite emoji? 

Lisa: Oh, I like the 00:33:00 emoji that kind of pulls its tongue out and has one eye, sort of like this. That is a bit kind of zany. I don’t use it very often, but that’s my favorite. Although. The one I use for sort of my sign off on all social media is, is a heart almost. It’s kind of got like a little plaster on it, but I’m a heart with ears.

And it’s important that I listen and really understand what people are saying. That’s my job to understand, listen, no judgment, no expectation. People need to be heard and respected. And not criticized or made to feel small. The journey is about them. I walk with them and that’s really important. 

Tesse: I really love that. I mean, recently I’ve been in a lot of walks. Lisa and you’ve put those walks in contents. I’ve been on an empathy, walk, a, been 00:34:00 on a grief walk.

Lisa: Ok, 

Tesse: I’ve been on a compassionate walk. And the, that’s why my favorite thing at the moment is I will walk with you. Because on those walks people walk with me. And I can’t tell you the extent of the healing that I’m experienced. And then it’s just kind of expanded my, not just my worldview, but it’s expanded my capacity to notice what I notice.

Lisa: Yeah. Because you will notice things and maybe you will kind of tuck them away until you need to. And then, wow. It’s almost like the little light bulb goes on. So, so yeah, I think it’s a very powerful thing. It’s very simple, but very powerful. 

Paula: Notice what you notice. I love it. I love, and that’s going to be my new phrase in this house.

Notice what, you notice, 


Lisa: Let me know how you get on with it, Paula.

Paula: I love it. 

Lisa: Fantastic. 

Yeah. So, 00:35:00 after this incredible talk. Lisa, you talked about social media. Where can our listeners find you online or even offline? 

I am Online. I am on social media. I do a little bit of Twitter, but I don’t do a lot. My main platform is LinkedIn. So you can find me on LinkedIn as The Heart With Ears.

You can find me on Facebook as The Heart With Ears. And I do have a website which is a hosted website and it’s through grief UK. I’m sure Tesse, you’ll probably give the links out at the end of the show or what have you. But yeah, so I have a website, I have email. I have phone, you know, you can find me,. You can Zoom call me.

I’m very happy to talk to, to really, if people are in need, that’s why I’m here. 

Paula: Awesome. Awesome. So, um, we are coming to the end of this incredible 00:36:00 moment with Lisa and I know that this has been. Well, there’s been a journey. It’s also been a, a learning time for me. Um, I felt your pain. I felt your compassion.

I felt. Um, your genuine care for others who are hurting like you. Um, you’ve told us where you can be found online. And sometimes it’s just hearing that one voice like your dad did for you. You, the ability to call somebody who put confidence in you because he trusted you, just, hearing that he had confidence in you to do the next, I mean, to do the right thing, kind of pushed you along, from what I gathered.

Lisa: Yes, his belief that I would do as he asked and that mutual trust that we had just tipped the balance really. I mean, sadly, he’s no longer with me, but he is with me in spirit. You 00:37:00 know, the fact that I’m actually sitting in a, in a workspace that was inspired and kind of paid for by some of the money that he left me.

And it’s almost I’m carrying on that work to make a difference. You know, that is his gift to me to allow me to help other people. He was, he was a teacher himself. He taught painting. He was very engaging, and I learned a lot from him. So, if I can pass on things to other people, then I’m delighted. 

Paula: Amazing. So do you have any closing thoughts? You’ve said so much, and we’ve gotten so much nuggets from you. Is there anything left?

Lisa: I’m trying to think now. We touched on dancing. I love to dance. I love music. Music is, is a great one for lifting the spirits because of the vibration of the music, the beat. And just last night, my husband and 00:38:00 I were dancing in the kitchen to Bruce Springsteen.

So I’ll leave you with that thought. And we were so lost in the moment. It was just. Fab. My 12-year-old kind of came and looked. He was standing in the doorway and sort of, Oh my goodness, what are you doing? 

It does’nt matter. Uh, you know, it’s, it’s, we have that childlike quality. We’re not childish. We, we have that childlike curiosity and we just want to enjoy life. And having been through such adversity that is fantastic, that I can now enjoy life to the full. And try and do anything that I want to, and I can put my mind to, and you can too.

Tesse: You know, it reminds me of something, a sign I saw in Bass Station when I was going away for a little break. And it says a 20-minute conversation with someone I’d never met, lifted a fog. 00:39:00 And it was signed by a guy called Steve. And everything you said is about hope. It’s about optimism. It’s about believing that you can do it and having people to. come alongside that. Now Paula has asked, you know, any last thoughts. But I still have one last question.

Lisa: Ok, ok.

Tesse: For our listeners.  Is there any gift or anything that people listening in can be given by you that would be useful for them? 

Lisa: There are things that I do every day and one of them is positive affirmation and yes, you can use somebody else’s to get you started.

But when you kind of carry on doing it, you start to realize it needs to be for you. So there are things like I used to say, and I still do all of life, comes to me with ease, joy, and glory, which is something that I was taught by Access Consciousness. And if you want to kind of look that up, 00:40:00 there are an amazing set of tools there.

All of life comes to me with ease, joy, and glory. So I used to say that to myself every morning, as many times as possible as many times as I could remember through the day and end on that positive thought as well. The more you can think positive, you will be positive. And the more you think low and depressive thoughts. That’s where you be.

You know, your whole being follows your thought pattern. So the more you can fill your mind with positive things, laughing, dancing, something that raises you up. And it doesn’t have to be, as we said, it can be something within you. It could be it matter what it is. If it raises you up, you’re in a much better place.

It’s hope it’s. It’s great. Oh, I tell you, what I will say is for many years, my mantra was: “What doesn’t kill you 00:41:00 makes you stronger.”  So I’ll leave you with that. 

Paula: So I’m going to wrap up, well, this podcast, make sure you head over to Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere else, where you listen to podcasts.

And click subscribe. If you like what you’ve heard, please write us a raving review. If you have questions or topics you would love us to cover related to leadership and governance on TesseTalks, send us a note. Remember it can be personal as well as professional. And if you want to be a guest on TesseTalks, head over to tessy@paki.com/TesseTalks,

to apply. 

Thank you to our wonderful listeners. And of course, a big thank you to Lisa Richards for all that she has taught us today and shared with us today. Thank you, Lisa. 

00:42:00 Lisa: Thank you. Thank you, Paula. Thank you, Tesse. And thank you listeners for having me on the show today. I’ve enjoyed it so much and I hope I’ve given you some hope and things to take away. So thank you.


Why TesseLeads

Read Full Transcript

for TesseLeads Launches

Paula: 00:00:00 Hi everyone, today I am with Tesse Akpeki, Tesse , and I co-host TesseTalks and now we decided to launch another podcast called Tesse Leads and Tesse, you came up with this idea. So today, as we launched Tesse Leads , I’m going to throw that question on her and say, Tesse what were you thinking about when you decided that we should have something in addition to TesseTalks  was so why TesseLeads in other wordsa?

Tesse: 00:00:34 Yeah. Thank you very much, Paula, first and foremost, I want to say a big thank you for the way that people have supported TesseTalks  and continue to support TesseTalks when we launched TesseTalks. I actually thought, you know, if we get like 50 people who tune in to the launch and listen, that was enough for me because it’s not about numbers, it’s about what it could do.

And we ended up having almost 3000 views of the launch and people tuning in and I was blown away by that. And the comments and the way it is. And so I want to thank people who listen in, who tune in, who tell their friends. Now quite a bit has happened since then. It’s more to do with how our lives can change and how we need to find a place to tell our stories, how we need to listen to the experiences of other people and know that we’re not alone.

How we need to navigate a world which keeps on changing sometimes at pace and how we need to be able to explore our opportunities and create different things, but also to encounter and live alongside our adversities and things that don’t go right. Places where we fail ,places, where we struggle and life is both the things that work for us and it’s also the things that don’t work for us.

It’s about our gains as well as our losses and TesseLeads  is about that place of telling our stories, of sharing our stories. Of hearing about the experiences of others, of sharing our own experiences. And it’s meant to be that place where we can create and shape our opportunities as well as to be supported at times when we need it most.

And my thinking behind this was that that space that we create is an authentic place to be vulnerable and creative place to think and a soft place to fall. Does  any of that make sense to you, Paula? Or is it just something that you think? Actually, I need to ask more questions and explore a bit more.

Paula: 00:03:37 It makes sense. It makes sense in that you’re talking about life, you’re talking about which being a place, which is different from TesseTalks. And I’m sorry, I’m making reference to the that, the host and the cohost are exactly the same two people. But what you’re essentially saying is that TesseLeads is a place for stories, stories about life and how raw life is.

And caring how people got over these things that happen. Some planned and some not planned and some random and some not random, but they happened. So this is supposed to be, uh, Safe place for leaders, influencers people wherever you may be to come and tell your story because it’s real. That’s my understanding.

Tesse: 00:04:38 Absolutely. I’m glad that that’s your understanding, cause that’s my understanding as well. And you would say why TesseLeads? And I say, because. I have to lead myself first, before I can think of leading others. In many ways I can role model what leadership means to me and live as authentically and vulnerably as I can.

And until I do that work from the place of reality and from the place of vulnerability, I will be really fake in kind of leading other people I’ve got to lead myself first. And I think if being in the, um, environment, which is professional, personal leadership has taught me anything. It’s that the only person who I can change is myself and the only place where authentic leadership can come from this from me and over the years, what I’ve learned is that my progression.

And my growth is from the inside out, rather from the outside in and yet over the years often when I’ve looked at indicators for success, I have to confess that my indicators have usually been extrinsic. So outside of me, rather than inside of me and what I’m learning now every day, is that the measures and indicators for success of testing need to be for insights.

And that intrinsic thing is still important because that’s what makes me real. And then I can have external measures, but that would not be what defines me. And so testing leads is about creating that same space with you my wonderful cohost for other people, as well as for ourselves.

Paula: 00:06:32 I think that says it all.

So what would we say people are going to get out of this?

Tesse: 00:06:38 Well, this is a really good question about what people get out of it. And I hope that they do, and they make it other things and let us know as well. But as I had this kind of thought around testing leads, I had a conversation with my brother, Anthony Paul Akpeki, and Anthony said to me, sister Tess, because that’s what he calls me.

He said,” No matter how bad our experiences are no matter how painful they are, there are people who have been through worse and we can benefit by hearing those experiences that other people have. And even if it’s not worse, it’s could be similar or the same. And we know that we’re not alone because nobody has been through that before.

And he said “sister tests. I think we should create a place for people to tell their story, to tell their stories about their precious lives, to tell their stories that will help them to feel supported and encouraged and nurtured, to tell their precious stories in a way that they will feel that they’re never alone because he says whatever happens.

Tesse: 00:07:53 No matter what we’re going through. They’re never known whether the things that we’re celebrating or whether the things that we are mourning or whether the things that we’re gaining or whether the things that we’re losing, we are never alone. And that was what Anthony said to me. What I didn’t realize at the time was that was going to be my last conversation with my brother and my brother, Tony was killed tragically in a hit and run accident four days after that conversation.

And what I benefited from listening to Tony’s very wise words was his encouragement and his supportive voice that nobody is ever alone and tanning our precious stories and sharing our own experiences are ways that we can support ourselves and the ways that we can support others.

So I hope that by tuning into TesseLeads, that people will be able to feel the support of others. And they’ll be able to support themselves as they give themselves the place where adversity  can become gifts and where they can feel happy in what they are gaining. Through things that are working for them and where they can feel that they have a purpose and a meaning.

Their purpose matters. We all have a purpose. And when we realized that many times it gives meaning to our stories and our meaning to things that have happened in our lives. Because sometimes it’s nothing else, but other ban make others understand that they’re not alone.

And Paula might have gone through this test. He might have gone through this, but through that, they have grown they’ve matured and they can help. And so I guess that wraps up our launch TesseLeads in which we are able to share with you, our amazing listeners, why we are doing this, how it came about, and we encourage you to listen in to the wonderful people that we are going to be bringing on, to share their stories the good times and not so good times and the bad times.

Because that’s life and that’s what happens to each and every one of us. So with that, I am going to close out to our amazing listeners. We want you to know that your precious lives and your precious stories matter. Please share them with us so that you can feel supported and so that others are supported as well as encouraged and nurtured and never feel alone.

Please make sure you head over to Apple podcast, Google podcast, Spotify, or anywhere where you listen to podcasts. And please click subscribe. If you find testing leads helpful. Please let us that is Tessie and Paula know about this and your reviews. If you have any questions or topics you would like us to cover, please send us a note.

And if you would like to be a guest on our show, TesseLeads. Please head over to www.tessyakpeki.com /tesseleads to apply.